699 Days Since

Or 1 year, 10 months, 29 days, including today, since I left home.

I am not claustrophobic but at the moment the walls feel like they are bearing down on me.  I start to feel caged and instinctively look for an exit.  I try not to panic, but everything is just so unfamiliar.  So strange.  I long to hear someone speak to me in Bisaya.  I long to be in the presence of people who understand what I mean by KALAMI BA IKAOG GUINABOT UY.  I am haunted by everything that I left behind.  I am so homesick.  I hate this gnawing feeling that I am alone.  I hate that it feels so debilitating.  I hate that there is nothing I can do to feel better.  I hate this aching longing for home.